Chinese 104: What I Learned

I am starting to think that maybe cookies weren't the right approach....I could not be feeling more empty right now. I was tricked by my ex this week. He asked me to meet him in Colorado at the end of the month and I was thrilled. I called a few days later to confirm in order to request off work and he had some lame excuse about why now it couldn't work but with the same old bullshit about "I don't know how I feel, I don’t know, maybe in time, etc" is his answer for everything. I get now that "I don't know" means "no" but why can't he just say "no" why does he feel this need to drag me on and on until he feels strong enough and sure enough to absolutely say goodbye? You would think after all the pain he put me through that he would have the balls to end it but I guess he is just "not sure". Ahhhhhhhh....so after a complete setback from the false invitation, I have begun to sew up that deep deep wound and have decided to start making plans without him. I must begin to see my future without him to begin to imagine what I would like to do myself. However, this is always easier said than done. I get so easily frusturated with the smallest porblems these days and the patience required to figure things out. Confucius said, "If a man takes no thought about what is distant, he will find sorrow near at hand." I have found that in these days when I am not who I want to be and my life is not what I want it to be I must continuously remind myself that this is momentary, and from this emptiness surely something must be born- if nothing else than hope.